Im Alter von 19 Jahren verließ Mariam Navaid Ottimofiore mit einem one-way Ticket nach Boston ihre pakistanische Heimat Karatschi. Seitdem hat sie in neun verschiedenen Ländern auf vier Kontinenten gelebt. Mit ihrem deutsch-italienischen Ehemann und ihren beiden Kindern, deren Geburtsorte 4.800 Kilometer voneinander entfernt liegen, wohnt sie derzeit in Accra, Ghana.

Ich freue mich sehr, dass sie sich die Zeit für ein Interview genommen hat. Wir sprachen über Multikulti, Zufriedenheit und persönliches Wachstum, aber auch über Herausforderungen und Gefahren im Ausland.

Obwohl Mariam sehr gut Deutsch spricht, haben wir das Interview auf Englisch geführt. Die Kernaussagen fasse ich daher zunächst auf Deutsch zusammen. Das spannende Interview folgt anschließend in voller Länge.

Wenn der Atem kurz stockt…

Schon seit längerem verfolge ich die Beiträge und Artikel von Mariam auf Instagram und ihrem gleichnamigen Blog „And then we moved to…“ Aktuell lässt sie Leserinnen und Leser an ihrem bunten und fröhlichen Leben in Afrika teilhaben, lässt aber auch die negativen Seiten nicht aus.

So berichtete sie vor einigen Wochen, dass ein Arbeitskollege ihres Mannes in Nigeria sehr schwer attackiert wurde, und wie sie als Familie auf dieses Ereignis reagiert haben. Sie erzählte mir, dass Accra zwar als sehr sicher gilt, sie dennoch als Folge auf diesen Angriff die Sicherheitsvorkehrungen in ihrem Haus haben prüfen lassen und einen Notfallplan erstellt haben.

Ereignisse wie dieses hätten sie im Vorfeld jedoch nicht von ihren Umzugsplänen nach Afrika abgebracht. „Angst ist ein schlechter Ratgeber,“ sagt Mariam. Viel wichtiger sei es ihr, sich vor Umzügen intensiv zu informieren und direkt mit den Menschen vor Ort zu sprechen.

Top 10 Listen von Wohnorten sind wenig aussagekräftig

Mariam kritisiert an dieser Stelle die Statistiken über die weltweit besten bzw. schlechtesten Orte zum Leben und Wohnen. Man könne dies nicht generalisieren, sondern das Erleben sei individuell verschieden und von anderen Faktoren abhängig, und zwar von

• individuellen und internationalen Vorerfahrungen,
• dem Ausmaß der Vorbereitung und
• der jeweiligen Einstellung (mindset) und Haltung in Bezug auf das Leben im Ausland.

Zufriedenheit ist selbstgemacht

In einem meiner liebsten Abschnitte des Interviews beschreibt Mariam, dass Zufriedenheit unabhängig von Stadt, Land und Kontinent erreicht werden kann, sondern vielmehr Einstellungssache ist. Sie sagt

„Die Kunst, zufrieden zu sein, liegt darin, dass wir herausfinden, was uns glücklich macht, und dass wir unseren Leidenschaften folgen – unabhängig davon, wo wir wohnen. Unser Erfolg ist nicht abhängig von dem Land, in das wir ziehen, sondern davon, wie wir dieses Abenteuer angehen und das Beste daraus machen.“ (Übersetzung: Susan Höntzsch)

In diesem Zusammenhang möchte ich kurz Mariams Metapher der „MOLA“ vorstellen, mit der global mobile Familien ihre zahlreichen Erlebnisse, Erfahrungen und Unterschiede beschreiben können.

Die MOLA als Sinnbild unserer Lebenserfahrungen

Molas sind handgefertigte Blusen des Kuna-Stammes in Südamerika, die farbenfroh die Mischung von Stammestraditionen und den Einflüssen der modernen Welt symbolisieren. Es sind Nähkunstwerke und ein jedes ist ein Unikat. Dieses Konzept überträgt Mariam in ihrem Buch ‚This Messy Mobile Life‘ auf multikulturelle Erfahrungen und Familien. Dabei stehen die einzelnen Buchstaben der MOLA sinnbildlich für unterschiedliche Dinge:

• M = Mischung
  Unterschiedliche Kulturen, Nationalitäten und Religionen werden vermischt und dabei eigene Traditionen, Regeln und Identitäten kreiert.
• O = Ordnung
  Insbesondere bi-/multilinguale Familie sollten mehrere Sprachen nach Plan sprechen und strategisch einsetzen.
• L = Lagen
  Jeder Umzug entspricht einer neuen Schicht der Bluse, gekennzeichnet durch positive/negative Erfahrungen, Beziehungen, Gewohnheiten, Jobs, lokale Einflüsse uvm.
• A = Abenteuer
  Das Leben mit Offenheit und einer gewissen Abenteuerhaltung angehen, dabei nicht die eigenen Werte vergessen und die einzigartige MOLA mit Stolz tragen.

Einen Einblick in ihre eigene MOLA teilt Mariam u.a. auf Seite 207 in ihrem Buch. Hier beschreibt sie ein typisches Weihnachtsfest mit ihrer deutsch-pakistanisch-italienischen Familie in Wolfsburg:

„Mir ist kalt und ich bin die Einzige, die mit Wintermantel im Auto sitzt. Während ich aus dem Fenster im VW meines Schwiegervaters blicke, wird mir bewusst, wie Feiertage und spezielle Anlässe jedes Mal Geduld und gegenseitiges Verständnis erfordern. Die Zeit, die wir mit unseren Familien verbringen ist sehr wertvoll, aber auch ein permanentes Ausbalancieren gemischter Kulturen, Lebensmitteln, Traditionen und Erwartungen. […] Ich höre die Gespräche in zwei Sprachen und übersetze sie innerlich in meine eigenen zwei Sprachen. Mit Jedem spreche ich in einer anderen Sprache – Urdu mit den Kindern, Englisch mit Martino, Deutsch mit allen anderen und etwas Italienischer Small Talk, insbesondere wenn es darum geht, das Essen zu loben. Manchmal wird der gleiche Witz in drei oder vier Sprachen wiederholt, bis alle ihn verstanden haben.“ (Übersetzung: Susan Höntzsch)

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He was born in Germany 🇩🇪 I was born in Pakistan 🇵🇰 . . We met in the UK 🇬🇧 We got engaged in the USA 🇺🇸 . . Then came the kids, She was born in Singapore 🇸🇬 He was born in the UAE 🇦🇪 . . But . . We currently live in Ghana 🇬🇭 Employer who moves us around the world is from Denmark 🇩🇰 And the only passport we all share in common says Italy 🇮🇹 . . We are the ‘And Then We Moved To’ family. Many rich layers of identity mixed into one. The whole world feels like our home because our love knows no borders and our life knows no boundaries. Thank you for following our adventures this year. We are grateful for each and every reader out there who shares our goal of living a global life, free of fear. We would love to know which country will you be ending the year 2019 in?

A post shared by Mariam|And Then We Moved To (@andthenwemovedto) on Dec 7, 2019 at 11:39pm PST

Internationale Erfahrungen führen zu persönlichem Wachstum

Mit jedem Urlaub, aber insbesondere auch durch längere Aufenthalte im Ausland lernen wir dazu. Wir tauchen nicht nur in andere Kulturen und Traditionen, Sitten und Bräuche ein – sondern wir erfahren sehr viel über uns selbst.

Mariam erzählt, dass jeder ihrer bisherigen Wohnorte sie unterschiedlich herausgefordert und geprägt hat. Schwierig sei es für sie insbesondere in Ländern gewesen, in denen erwartet werde, dass man sich nicht nur integriere, sondern anpasse. Aufgrund ihrer Biografie sei sie es jedoch gewohnt, unterschiedliche Kulturen zu vermischen sowie Erfahrungen und die Umwelt miteinander zu verschmelzen. Ihre Identität sei sowohl durch die Vergangenheit als auch durch die Gegenwart beeinflusst, durch stetige Veränderungen und Anpassung, durch das Mischen von Kulturen, Sprachen und Nationalitäten sowie Heimat- und Zugehörigkeitsgefühle.

Mehr zu Mariam Ottimofiore

Auch im Vorfeld dieses Interviews habe ich mich bereits regelmäßig mit der inspirierenden und sympathischen Mariam ausgetauscht, die viel Freude am Netzwerken hat. Online findest du sie beispielsweise hier:

• Über ihr Leben im Ausland und ihre Arbeit berichtet sie regelmäßig auf Instagram @andthenwemovedto
• Ihr Blog „And then we moved to“
• Hier hörst du Mariam im Podcast mit TandemNomads:
  Keeping up with your goals while living on the move
• Ihr Buch „This Messy Mobile Life“

Last but not least: Das vollständige Interview mit Mariam

Karrierepfade: Hi Mariam, I wasn’t only excited to talk with you because of your multicultural family and the connection to Germany through your husband but also because you published ‚This Messy Mobile Life‘ and are currently living in Africa.

Most of the people I usually talk to live in Europe, North America or Asia. So, when I saw your story on Instagram about your husband’s colleague being seriously attacked and injured and that you were worried about your own security, I wondered how an incident like this would have changed your mind about moving to Africa. Would this have had an impact on your decision to move to Ghana? How did the incident effect you personally and emotionally?

Mariam: Thanks for this question. First of all, I’d just like to re-iterate that this incident which happened to my husband’s colleague took place in Lagos, Nigeria. Nigeria is of course a very different country to Ghana; there is a huge difference in safety, security, crime, law and order. I cannot make a decision about whether to move to Ghana based on what happened or didn’t happen in Nigeria. As expats, we learn quickly how to separate the two and how to do research on the country we are considering moving to. Fear, while a very real emotion is never a good emotion to base any decision on.

A move to a hardship location such as Ghana required careful research and informing ourselves of the reality on the ground and talking to expats who were already posted here. The hardship in Ghana is not that of safety and security. Accra has a low crime rate and Ghana is generally considered to be even safer than South Africa. The hardship here which concerns us is mostly around the lack of health care services and medical facilities. And we knew that before we made a decision to move here and ensured we made back up plans to minimize the risk.

Nonetheless, of course we were extremely sad and sorry to hear about what my husbands work colleague faced in Nigeria. It affected us personally as it would anyone else and we were happy to comply with company rules for getting a full security assessment done for us in Ghana. It also helped us to realize that having a back up or contingency plan in case of emergencies is crucial.

Karrierepfade: How would you – personally – define an emergency and what does your back up plan entail?

Mariam: Personally, I would define an emergency as any event which necessitates us leaving our host country on short notice. It could be due to political instability such as a coup d’ etat, or a medical emergency (which in the expat world is a ‘medi-vacuation’; an evacuation for medical reasons). These factors become important to consider when you accept a posting in a hardship country like we have done.

The most important thing to do is to lay out and agree on your back up plan and contingency plan with your employer and health insurance. For instance, if any of us face a medical emergency and cannot get the right treatment or level of care in Ghana, our contract states that we get airlifted to either our home country or to the nearest developed country/country of choice.

Our back up plan, also involves maintaining sufficient savings in case of emergencies. As a family, we have three nationalities: German, Pakistani and Italian and no matter where we move to, one of the first steps we take is to register ourselves at all three consulates or embassies. This too is part of a backup plan, in case we are ever in the situation, where we need help from our respective governments.

Karrierepfade: I stumbled upon your following Instagram post:

View this post on Instagram

How much of your success abroad depends on where you move to versus how you approach your expat life? My last post focused on the place, but this post focuses on the person. In the end, here is what I think the formula for expat life looks like: . . Where you move to: 40% How you think, who you are and how you approach your expat life: 60% . . In the end your attitude, mindset and perspective are everything. In my book “This Messy Mobile Life”, I remind my readers to approach their expat life with an attitude of adventure. It helps you appreciate the positive experiences and gets you through the challenging experiences. It helps you to embrace everything that happens to you – good, bad, ugly, big and small – and include it in your life story. It helps you not give up on a bad day and to truly enjoy a good day. It teaches you how to be resilient even when things don’t go your way. Most of all, it helps you to appreciate this journey you are on and to accept it with grace and humility. . . This is also why I can never predict if you will be happy living in country A, B or C. Sure, I know the place and can give you some advice on which neighborhood to live or where to send your child to school, but I don’t know what attitude you are going to approach your new life with. In the end, this is truly the deciding factor. Mind over matter. People over place. In expat life, the adventures often happen within us.

A post shared by Mariam|And Then We Moved To (@andthenwemovedto) on Feb 4, 2020 at 11:42am PST

You believe, that 40 % of one’s success abroad depends on where you move and 60 % on who you are, how you think and how you approach your expat life? How did you come up with these numbers?

Mariam: These numbers or rather percentages are not scientific, but based on over 18 years of personal experience of moving as an adult and after living in nine countries to date. This belief was further strengthened and backed up in my research for my book ‚This Messy Mobile Life‘ during which I surveyed and interviewed hundreds of globally mobile families around the world.

In the expat world, we often place a lot of importance on the place and on which country we move to. We look at challenges faced and opportunities enjoyed and then it is common to come up with a list of ‚Top 10 places to move to as an expat‘ by InterNations or by Mercer. As a seasoned expat, I look at these country rankings with a grain of salt.

Which country is easy or difficult to move to, is a completely subjective process. It depends majorly on the individual, their experience, their level of preparedness, their mindset and their attitude in how they approach their expat life. You could be like me; miserable when living in Dubai and happier when living in Accra!

It has taken me many, many international moves to understand that happiness is not location specific. Happiness is not city, country or continent specific. Happiness is something we choose to be, it’s a state of mind. And the art of being happy is to find out what makes us happy and to follow our passions, irrespective of where we live. After nine countries and four continents, I came to realize that there is no perfect country in the world, there will always be pros and cons to where you live. Being an expat has taught me that happiness stems from your attitude and it comes from within, regardless of which continent you are on.

The purpose of this Instagram post was to highlight that more often than not, our success abroad does not depend on which country we move to, but rather how we approach our expat adventure and what we make out of it. In my book I talk about this in detail, and include it as a key aspect in my MOLA toolbox for expat families.

Karrierepfade: Could you briefly describe the concept of a MOLA and how it can help globally mobile families?

Mariam: I was on the search for a complex metaphor that would help me to capture and express the complex and messy lives many multicultural, multilingual and multi-mobile expats are living around the world.

In South America, in the countries of Panama and Colombia there lives a Guna tribe. The Guna stitch a Mola by hand. A Mola is quite simply a shirt made from intricately stitched layers of patterns and cloth. Worn with pride, it represents who you are – inside and out. I present a Mola as the perfect metaphor for international families living between cultures, countries, languages, nationalities, identities and homes, with so many different layers. That’s why I created the MOLA toolbox to help global individuals and families show their stories to the world.

Karrierepfade: Now, I am curious: What does your MOLA look like and how many layers does it have?

Mariam: See it for yourself:

As you can see, it is rather colorful and messy and of course a bit turquoise – my favorite color! It has nine layers, representing the nine countries I have lived in, also shown by the flags depicted on here. The top of my Mola shirt looks a bit Pakistani, too, as a nod to my cultural heritage. Then there are the symbols and motifs. At the bottom of my Mola, you see sand dunes, representing my time living in the Arabian Desert. These sand dunes taught me an important global lesson: with sand underneath your feet, you are the most stable because you can steer yourself in any direction you want. This greatly helped me to accept my globally nomadic life. Below you also see the water waves, that’s because most of my expat life takes place by the sea. With a husband working in international shipping, we get posted to live near the Arabian Sea, the Atlantic, the South China Sea or more.

Karrierepfade: To this day, you’ve lived in nine different countries on four continents: What makes each of these places special or home?

Mariam: I am privileged to have experienced life in so many different countries and continents. Each place has become incredibly special and even today if there is a mention on the news of my old hometowns of Houston, Copenhagen or Berlin, I sit up and watch with interest. Each place is synonymous with home and will forever remain as such as it is part of my identity. In particular the countries where I gave birth to my children (Singapore and the UAE) are very special to my heart.

Karrierepfade: What was the most challenging place to live at? How did this experience help you grow?

Mariam: This is a rather difficult question to answer as each place has challenged me but in different ways and each place, I’ve lived in has pushed forth tremendous growth. I thought Berlin was an extremely challenging place to live as I became unemployed, completely dependent on my spouse and felt illiterate overnight since I didn’t speak a word of German when I moved there.

In general, I have struggled more in homogeneous cultures and societies such as those in Berlin and Copenhagen. Where the expectations from the ‚foreigners‘ is not just to integrate but to assimilate. As a Third Culture Kid I find it incredibly hard to do either, because we don’t integrate or assimilate, we are good at blending cultures and making a fusion out of our experiences and environments. We are good at learning new languages and picking up social norms, but our identity is never shaped just by the present, but also influenced heavily by the past. These experiences helped me to grow in terms of realizing how complex the psyche is for multicultural and multilingual people as well. We are constantly changing, adapting and blending multiple cultures, languages, identities, nationalities, feelings of home, a sense of belonging and more.

Karrierepfade: And then you moved to…? What will be your next location?

Mariam: That is the million-dollar question! We never know which country is next. It depends a lot on my husband’s job. We are excited to see where life takes us next. I would love to remain in Africa, but time will tell.

Karrierepfade: Thanks, Mariam, for your time and the wonderful insights!